I'm at the end of my rope...and it's getting harder to hang on!! Hence the photo above...it feels like the rope is on fire!! I'm losing. Why? Let me tell you...
This morning...the phone rang. I answered it and of course, it was from an 877# and they were looking for Tom. Immediately, that sends my brain right off the deep end! I could feel myself getting agitated just listening to the guy tell me he couldn't discuss what the call was about with me...only Tom. I knew what that meant. You see, I have received NUMEROUS calls like this before. Who are these calls from, you ask?
COLLECTION AGENCIES!!!
Collection Agencies calling about OVERDUE credit cards, of course.
However, these credit cards do NOT belong to us...even though they have Tom's name on them...and they "technically" are ours...and we're responsible!!
A bit over 3 years ago, when I came to live in Michigan...right before Tom and I got married...Tom had immaculate credit. He could have bought the TAJ MAHAL and financed it!! There was NEVER any problem. And we NEVER overspent...never over-extended ourselves.
Then...we started getting these phone calls. The first was for a credit card with a balance of over $29,000. Yes, you read this correctly...Twenty-Nine Thousand Dollars! Then...another for $5,000...then another for over $3000...and then today's for almost $10,000.......and who knows REALLY how many more of these cards there are!!! All but one were all opened AFTER we were married in June of 2005...all in Tom's name...with his SS# and other information.
Now do understand why I'm coming un-glued and am at the end of my rope?
Do we KNOW what's going on? Yes...we do!! I've been telling Tom since DAY 1 that this HAS TO BE STOPPED. He's been VERY lenient...way too lenient if you ask me!!
So...what is it that's going on, you ask? Can you say?...
Yes, CREDIT CARD FRAUD!!!
The reason Tom's been soooooooo lenient? It's his 40-year old, Loan Officer, Financial Wiz Son. Every time one of these calls comes in, Tom politely calls and talks to his son...and his son LIES!! I don't trust a thing he has to say!!! (If it were up to me, he'd have been reported long ago...when this first started.)
You see, Tom's son had his own Loan Business for years and is STILL in that business. He has always over-extended himself...on EVERYTHING!! House, Vehicles, Play Things, Properties, Things he and his family really didn't NEED...he over-bought!! Then when the loan business started to falter 2 years ago, he took Tom's information and began opening CREDIT CARD ACCOUNTS and using them as his own.
His son had all of Tom's information because Tom and his previous wife (mom of the son) were on 2 property loans...on houses the son bought. The mom died in 2004 of cancer. Handy, right?
When things really got tough last year (JULY), he began to default on all of those credit cards!!!
Tom has already almost cleaned out his retirement account to pay over $29,000 on these cards...to protect his son. Now, he wants to take MORE DOLLARS out of another RETIREMENT ACCOUNT to pay for the REST OF THESE BILLS!
We don't have $$$ to spare. We live very modestly. We drive a 1999 Nissan Altima and a 2000 Ford Taurus...and live in a Brand New Manufactured Home, after selling our previous home. Tom has told me over and over how much he wants to leave me in a GOOD SITUATION FINANCIALLY, if anything happens to him!!! How, with one retirement account almost gone...and the other with a good chunk of the $$$ missing, too?
This whole thing has been a "bone of contention" between us since last year. I can not stand to see TOM say taken advantage of by his son. I can NOT stand Tom's leniency! This is a CRIME...and the last 2 collection agencies have told him to file criminal charges...a police report...and NOW!!!
Because again...WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE DEBTS!!!
Tom should be retiring in October...when he turns 65...but has opted NOT TO! Because I am 6 years younger than him...he decided it best he continues to work. He doesn't want to leave me saddled with all of this debt...if something were to happen to him.
He doesn't understand...that BEFORE he is able to take care of all of this debt, if something happened to him...it WOULD ALL FALL ON ME! And believe me, none of his kids want to have anything to do with me already!! So, they wouldn't care.
Tom's reasoning for protecting this son is he doesn't want him to end up going to jail. But, and I know this sounds "tough", isn't that where a CRIMINAL belongs?
I'm ANGRY! I'm HURT. I feel VIOLATED! I'm CONFUSED, too! Wouldn't you be? After all, Tom sold his previous house and we didn't over-extend ourselves on a new home. We bought a brand new, built-for-us Manufactured House, 1600 square feet...for just a fraction of what the same would have cost in a stick-built older home.
I'm just really tired of it all...don't know where to turn...what to do.
I've given it to God on so many occasions...and when the phone rings and it's another collection agency...it all starts up again.
I'm just gonna go and bake a Chocolate Cake...and cry my eyes out.
~Blessings and THANKS for reading this...
Jan
Has Anyone Seen It or Does Anyone Have It
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First, let me say Thanks to everyone for stopping by and viewing the Thrifty
Finds on Monday!!! I am still playing catch up from, Pink Saturday….lol ;)
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1 hour ago
21 Comments:
Oh Jan, I am so sorry! Has Tom talked tohis son about this? Maybe if he told him no more or the police will be involved it would make a difference. Most importantly, you need to see a lawyer and see how to distance yourself from these liabilities if something should happen to Tom. Make sure you are protected!
I am praying for you, Jan. Blessings, Nancy
You both are in my prayers and my heart.... such a shame.
Guess I will sound like hard hearted Hannah...but I hope you have your finances separate from you Hubby.
It sounds like this may be really hard situation for him, and you don't need to let him drag you in on this.
My advice is to seek out a counselor...he has to break his co dependancy with his son if he wants to make his marriage work..he cannot keep bailing his son out because if he does your resentment will grow and your marriage will not be as strong.
Hope I'm not sounding too cold hearted, and I don't mean to be. I feel your pain here. None of us know what we would do in a given situation.
You are such a sweet lady Jan...don't let his son take advantage of you! I know so many vulnerable women who have let men make all their decisions for them in financial matters. Be strong and insist on your way!
Hi Jan...I found your blog from Deb, aka, Garage Sale Gal. Oh my, I am sooo sorry you are having to go through this. Tom needs to file charges immediately. You can't have that hanging over your head any more. I went through something similar, but it was when I claimed bankruptcy. My house will foreclose...but I don't care. I couldn't do it anymore.
Take care...and I'm adding you to my favs!
Hugz,
Michele
It may be time for a bit of "tough love." Praying for you all,
Gill from Canada
Dear One,
I will be praying for you for Peace and direction and for Tom to have the strenght to do the right thing. I am so sorry for this situation. I know your faith will help you. Go, Pray, Eat chocolate cake :) and know that you are in my prayers. Hugs dear one.
Deb
Wow! Yes you have a right to be mad. If YOU are also responsible because you are married to Tom can't YOU report this to the police? So what if you become the "bad guy" to his son.
I can't believe any son would do this to thier father. This is so sad.
I'll keep you in my prayers and be here for you if you need to talk.
Hugs,
Joanne
My heart goes out to you. I would want to run too and I hope that you found some rest for awhile.
Becky
Jan, I am saddened by your story. This is not uncommon believe me. I know of other situations like yours. You need to talk to an attorney. One you can trust. I am pretty sure you are not responsible for those debts. Tom needs to realize the collection agency's should be going after his son. Tom's signature is not on that credit. He probably realizes that, but he needs to open his eyes. What a dilemma. You are now on my prayer list, Jan dear.
Blessings, with love and hugs, Jeanne
Jan ~ Oh, I really am so sorry you're going through this...I'll be praying for you.
Blessings :)
~Michelle
Jan, I am so sorry! You and Tom will be in our prayers. You will be missed, but take as long as you need! *hugs*
Jan, What a horrid story of lies and deceit, especially involving a child.
I guess I am another cold hannah but I agree with Diane of 1000 words, You need to protect yourself. Tough love is SO HARD, but the right thing to do FOR ALL INVOLVED. The lies and deceit will continue to grow and fester like a canker. Bless your heart and know I will pray for you and yours and hope you get the help whether a financial counselor or attorney you and your husband need. Also the help your step son needs to straighten his life out.
with a big hug, Beth
OH Jan this is awful! Poor Tom, poor YOU! This sort of thing is horrible and one day he'll have to give an account to the Lord.
I will pray and pray for you.
I'm so sorry to hear of this. You are right that if something would happen to Tom that all of this would fall in your lap and YOU would be resposible for all the debt. If he does not stop it now by pressing charges, his son will continue to do this! There is a really good book called Co-Dependent No More by Melanie Beatty. I hope he can come to realize that by continuing to take responsibility for these debts that he isn't showing love for his son, but he is adding gasoline to the fire!
I know he loves his son, but you are his wife! I agree that this could take a toll on your marriage. It is, however, to his credit that he is such a soft hearted sweet man. That's why you married him!
Kady
Oh Jan, I feel for you and Tom! I know that it's hard to report one's own son to the authorities, but my goodness. This son is doing all this knowingly, so apparently he doesn't care about his father's situation - he should be stopped!
My prayers are with you. ::Jill
My heart goes out to you and Tom. At a time in your lives you should be getting ready to enjoy each other and enjoy retirement. Even God discipline's his children.
My prayers are with you.
Jan,
I am so sorry! Blended families certainly present their own set of problems, don't they?
Keep praying, keep loving your husband, keep the faith.
My dh and I had our share of conflicts over his dd back in the early days of our marriage. Although I wouldn't want to relive those times, God used them to show me some things, to help mature me (I really needed it!), and to, ultimately, draw my dh and I together in ways that couldn't have happened otherwise.
I pray that God uses this to create an even stronger bond between you and Tom, too.
Hugs,
Karen
Jan I will be not prayign for you today..but my friend, I will be interceding for you for sure...
Ny heart hearts for you. God has a plan.
You don't know me, and I have no advice, but I'm praying for you and sending {{{{{Hugs}}}}}....
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